Should I touch this baby? 

If you’re wondering this, the answer is probably no. However, if you’re unsure, here are a few hints to help you suss out if it’s ok to touch a baby…

  1. Is it your baby? Yes? Great! Does he or she like being touched, held, tickled and the like? Brill. On you go. 
  2. Do you know the baby or its parents? If not, don’t touch the baby. Yep. That means you, you crazy old bag with outstretched hand. Do not. I repeat, do not, approach the baby and touch its precious little face. 
  3. If you don’t know the parents, have you at least asked them if it’s ok to touch the baby? If not, don’t touch the baby. Equally if you’ve asked and they’ve said no, don’t touch the baby. Especially if you happen to be wearing your most convincing creepy weirdo outfit. 
  4. Is the baby asleep? If the answer is yes, don’t touch the baby. In particular, don’t touch the baby in a way which causes it to wake up. 
  5. Has the parent just said something like, “Oh, she’s just going to sleep,” while rocking the baby and looking slightly frustrated? If so, don’t touch the baby. Don’t talk to the baby. Don’t jingle things in the baby’s face. Don’t pass go. Don’t collect £200. Do choose life.

I hope this has helped. And remember, if you’re not sure, a good default position is not touching the baby.